Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Nowhere to go...

Guess now I have come to a point where I really have nowhere to go. I've been around places for sure. But nothing seems to be certain as to which one I can finally call my own - my home. 

At times I am happy and contented. At other times I feel lost and empty. The latter, unfortunately, has proven to be a more loyal visitor than the former.

Analyzing where I am exactly now, I have no direct answer, nor have I any answer at all. Even the simple question of what makes me happy creates doubt. Sure my answer is that of the Miss Universe type - to make other people happy is what makes me happy - but it is not right. It doesn't even feel right.

A colleague once said that it makes him happy to accomplish something. Even that sounds vague. What is there to accomplish?

I have given up on my career. I have fallen so hard I'm having difficulty picking myself up. Health is slowly deteriorating. I can even sense death creeping, sneaking, ever so dramatic. I will not be surprised if one day I find it difficult to think, let alone remember. 

Life is real, life is earnest. Longfellow said. And it is life that I may not be able to understand.

And love. There will always be this longing. And fear. Always there is fear.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

This has just to be posted somewhere...

No matter how you try to run away from the things that make you sad, nor how much you hide that sadness, you'd end up not successful. Feeling of depression will always be an unpleasant guest - oftentimes frequent, at other times passing by quickly as if to just say hi. But depression is like a loyal friend. It doesn't forget. That's why ot stays with you though at times it gives you space.

And right now, depression is an annoying friend that won't be shooed. And it brings with it an idea of ending a life. My life. Because...

What's there to live?

Chaos?

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Celebrating Life @ 34


And the dog and I needed a walk!

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Lord, teach me to toil and not seek for rest

Whenever someone asks me why I chose to get into teaching, my constant reply is that I did not choose teaching, it chose me. True enough, I never really wanted to become a teacher. Truth be told, I thought teaching was not a sophisticated profession, albeit boring. I wanted to get to the more glamorous industry of broadcasting. However, things didn't turn out how I wanted them to. One day, I saw myself taking the MRT to Shaw Boulevard for my first reporting day as a test review instructor. That stint proved that teaching is never boring after all. Every day, you deal with different problems in different scenarios, and no solution nor approach can ever be the same. Like that of a broadcaster, you touch people's lives by sharing knowledge and helping them get through the tough process of achieving their dreams on a more personal level.

If I would be asked today if I ever regretted being a teacher, my answer would be NO. I was called to this profession. There was no other choice for me but to follow. With that, I believe I am exactly where I'm supposed to be - not there, but here as a teacher.

Monday, June 8, 2015

June 8, 2015

I introduced you to the mountains. You fell in love with them right at the first sight, and they always lingered in your mind. I can see from some of your photos (yes, I stalk) how much fun you have when you're with them. The glow on your face is a testament to your happiness. That same glow makes me long for ever so much to see those mountains, I myself loved even before you did. Sadly, all I can do for now is to love them for life will not allow me to go back to them. I will never have that kind of adventure - those that I have always dreamed of. Those things, like you, will just remain something close to me - a dream.

I've been through many tough battles in life. I've lost many important persons so well-loved. I've failed in so many aspirations. Several times I attempted to redeem myself, to fight back, but, how can one win when the one being fought against is life itself? A very dear "friend" told me I'll overcome. I hope I had his confidence.

For now, all I can do is to bear this painful cross and look at you...

Monday, June 1, 2015

I guess I made it?

It is when you think you are about to die that you realize how much better it is to live despite the adversaries you are facing. It makes you regret that for even a split second longing for death ever crossed your mind. Life is not perfect, but its imperfections are what make it more meaningful. It is just a matter of how you deal with the not so positive things that come your way. I have my own share of difficulties that made me wish life does not exist. There is really no point of living when everything will still come to an end. Everything you worked hard for, all that you love, all that matters to you, will all be gone, and may be taken from you in the harshest possible way. Or so I thought. There is indeed a bad side to life. So bad that you would want it to end. Yet on the other side of the coin, life is a beaming ray of light, pulling you out of the dark.

I'm so happy I'm so alive!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Starting Anew


This is my work nook of 6 years, and I'm bidding it goodbye forever today!

The year 2015 has so far brought a promising start for me. Everything coming my way seems to always present something good to look forward to. And I welcome every one of them with a surprised smile and gentle embrace.

Now I can only be so happy with these new challenges, new friends, new knowledge, new skills, new responsibilities, new computer set(S), and new office. I'm moving out of the old, moving in to the new, and moving on with life....

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

Oh how I love your smile
The sunshine of my gloom
With your touch so gentle
Flowers are sure to bloom...

See you, shanti, shanti, shanti...

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Outstanding Teacher in the Community

This was submitted as a school project and I thought I wrote this quite well, so I am sharing this. 


I have known him for more than a decade now, since college years. Even then, he exuded a sense of leadership not common to most people our age at that time. As a young student leader he was able to put up student-socio-civic centered organizations that eventually changed the student life of many. He was strong-willed, goal-oriented, and empowering. Although he was not majoring on education, it may have been apparent that he’s cut to be an educator.

Graduation came. With millions going out of college, and just a few limited jobs available, it was no wonder when I found out that Mr. Francoise Noel Amaya, one of Adamson University’s most indispensible student leaders, turned his back at medical school and welcomed teaching. At that time, I thought it was convenient of him to do so. I know, because I was also one of those who segued to teaching for it was the only thing I could do – better than a call center job, I thought.

Years passed and we lost contact of each other. I heard from a friend that he quit his teaching job at a small Montessori to continue his studies. Good. He’s going to become a medical doctor, after all. Just imagine my surprise when I learned he was taking up Professional Teaching Certificate at the Philippine Normal University. So he must be serious in going on to the bend and turn to the line of education.

“Teaching has rewarded me in ways I can’t imagine”, I remember him telling me when we finally got to talk years after college graduation. “Maybe it was my dream to become a medical doctor, but it’s my vocation now to fulfill the dreams of those who want to become one.”

He likes his work environment. Assumption College has a supportive community. Just over a year ago, he was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia. Beset with what he may consider as his greatest tribulation by far, the school never abandoned him. The Assumption community was with him every step of the way to his recovery by raising funds, finding blood donors, and joining him in prayers. Some parents of his students covered almost half of his medical expenses that went for almost a year. “Thank you for taking care of our daughters, now it’s our time to help”, they said in a letter. “Kindness begets kindness” would be Noel’s epiphany. 

Noel, as he is fondly called, has been in the teaching profession for 11 years. He’s now on his ninth year at the Assumption College, Makati City. With demonstrated diligence, he was promoted to Coordinator of the Biology Department a few years ago. One of the challenges he faces as a coordinator is dealing with teachers with different personalities and making them work together. It is rather difficult to lead a team to achieve a certain objective without offending anyone, but he sees to it that he gives honest feedbacks, whether they affirm or hurt the people concerned. By objectives it means ensuring that the curriculum content, departmental program, K-12 implementation in the area of Science are appropriately addressed and delivered.

Being a department leader, he is a strong advocate of further professional development for teachers. Teacher education and training, according to him, “helps the teaching staff be more effective in their jobs, so pupils learn and behave better….” More so, “it contributes to a positive ethos where people feel valued and highly motivated.” Teacher education and training also makes for a learning-centered community in which not only the pupils are gaining something but the teachers and other staff as well.  

He is also a firm believer of change. The K-12 program is indeed a big change in the world of education. This change is needed to address the needs of the 21st century learners. The Philippines has long been the only country in Asia to have a 10-year basic education cycle. If we want to remain competitive globally, we have to sync in with the programs offered by developed countries. The use of mother tongue is one of the main differences of K-12 from the previous education system. Noel believes that this will promote not only patriotism and love of country but also love of one’s roots or origins. English should still be part of the instruction, as this has emerged to be an important language of international business. We have to make sure that as much as we want to produce graduates who are internationally competitive, nationalism should still remain as the core foundation of their values even when they are already playing in the global arena. He also stressed the importance of media education and environmental literacy to create holistic individuals who contribute to the development of the society and the world.

There are people who have taken to the education profession even when they did not plan to in the first place. Like Noel, I was among those who take this path out of accident. I have always declared that I didn’t choose the teaching profession. It chose me when a mail inviting me to teach at a certain learning institution landed at our home one fateful day around ten years ago. I ignored it at first but the call persisted that it got too loud to bear. So, I went ahead and heeded that call. And like Noel, I have come to love this profession.

“I like the attention I am getting when I am in front of a class.” one college professor said when asked why he chose the teaching profession. Though he was just teasing, that very attention he’s referring to is what makes this profession all-encompassing and challenging. Students look up to that leader in front of the class. That leader effects change not only on the lives of his students but also on those whose lives his students will touch, which in the process shapes the society in the most implicit of ways.

I dare say that teaching is a dangerous profession. Given with the perpetuity of his influence, a teacher must be careful in how he leads his class. Therefore, a teacher should be able to lead his class in the proper direction. To do this, he must be properly tooled with his own education and mastery of his subject area by continually developing his skills through further education. He must also be aware of what is happening in the society and the world, and keeps himself updated with the latest news, trends, and even fashion. Finally, his brain and his heart must be in full function, both in and out of the classroom.

Teaching here in Thailand makes me realize how much of an influence I am to my Thai students. In a way, I am part of shaping the future of this society. Like the many OFWs in other countries who were compelled to take care of other’s children, than taking care of their own, I feel like I am shaping the future not of my children but of others. But I am going back. When I come back, I hope that I will have prepared enough to face the challenges of being an educator in the Philippines. I am doing it one step at a time. And this, is just one of the first steps of my preparation.

Friday, February 14, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 33

still feeling sick, but I'm not one to just sit the vday off...

Thursday, February 13, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 32

Still feeling a bit under the weather today. But at least fever is down by 1 degree... Though needed rest, I couldn't. It's the last day of classes and my students are going to have their final exam next week. When I came home and tried to take a nap this happened:


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 31

A short post for I am a little lovesick... 38.5 degrees is something :)

Just had the final presentation with the students. Final meaning finalmente, last, and vacay!


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 30

I went home a little bit early this afternoon so I could take a nap. However, this dog won't let me have the couch to myself.


Monday, February 10, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 29

In my 30+ years of existence, I never really experienced receiving flowers on Valentine's Day. Well, I received a few in my younger years, but I asked for them - like catching a good guy friend in the corner and threaten him if he didn't give you a single flower on Vday. Yes, that is the story of my pathetic little life. So, I made a wish and put it in my wishbox, hoping that the universe would surprise me and a bunch of flowers be sent my way for Valentine's. Little did I know that such wish would be granted a few days shy of my target day. My students gave me a bunch of white mums this morning and I just couldn't be any happier. Well, I can't afford to be choosy, can I?


Sunday, February 9, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 28

Played impromptu entrance hymn for the Sunday Mass this afternoon. Our instrumentalist met with an accident, and I had no choice but to take over lest no one would. Good thing he came right before the last line of the hymn ended, so he took it from there and played Glory to God while I took care of what I am good at taking care of - the second voice for the choir! :)


Saturday, February 8, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 27

Watched the production of Hairspray by the Performing Arts Society of KKU. It was fun and the students made me proud!


Friday, February 7, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 26

Posing with the students in this happy and active afternoon!


Thursday, February 6, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 25

We just had the International Cultural and Food Fair at the university which was participated by several faculties including Humanities and Social Sciences and International College. We hold this every year but this year is extra special. For one, it's the first time that Filipino food has a representation. Thanks to the ever energetic lady professor of Tourism from the International College. Another thing is that this is the first time I am attending that I can really relate and enjoy the occasion. I think I've made friends at the university over the year, which makes me feel a little more comfortable acting out of my comfort zone. Sad to say, in my five years of stay at the U, I kind of isolated myself for three years. But I am not doing that anymore. I am now more sociable and willing to do stuff other than teaching. I am now ready to party!

And... being open and more sociable means making yourself more open to possibilities. One of which is...


Viva Spain! (at itatago na lang kita sa pangalang horhe)



Wednesday, February 5, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 24

A cat napping in a box one lazy post-winter afternoon brought the sweetest smile on my lips the entire day.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

100 Happy Days - Day 23

Nothing could be more ideal than to tag along a travel buddy that does not complain but just follows, does not talk but just listens, and does not whine of tiredness but leaps with excitement as we walk every single step to get to our destination.