Monday, January 13, 2014

in search for my muse

A scene from the movie Wonderful Radio:

Ja-seok:    You don't write anymore?
Jina:           I can't. Something's missing here. (points to her left chest)

Korean movies make me depressed. Officially! You watch the leading man sweep the lady off her feet and you somehow wish you have such a man and then, puff! Reality would sink in and make you realize it's not going to happen, not even in your dreams. Then you sit in your dark room in the middle of the night after watching the film and ask all the divinities WHY? I guess men are better in fiction. Or these fiction gods are created by women who wish the same as I do. That, this dazzling hunk of a man would come up to me - and just love. In a way a woman wants to be loved. Just like how the writer of the story wants to be loved.

It has always been my passion. Writing. I have always wanted to write. There may be times I find my writing skills wanting. Yet I write still. 

Then I stopped.

It didn't happen gradually. I just woke up one day and suddenly didn't want to write. I didn't even realize it at first. I just didn't write. My love affair with my muse ended. She left without a warning.

I am now in search for that muse who left me half a decade ago. It's not over yet to go after my dream of immortalizing my name through the lines I write. It may be a long difficult process - the search - but I am determined to get her back - my muse.

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